Then; there again comes the fear that it is going to happen again.No I am going to fight it. Tooth and nail kinda fight. No way am I going to give in again. I can almost imagine myself with a bat…helmet in place ready to hit back as soon as that bouncer comes. No, not even a spin or a fast paced ball is going to get me today. Swish …swash I swing my bat. You gloomy gloomy thoughts I will not bow down to you.
This has been an issue with me always. I give in to gloom without a fight. Lately I realized(for the 100th or is it the 1000th time? No nth time probably) like everyone says you need to be happy and happy always. Whatever happens …see the brighter side of things. Difficult task but not impossible I say!!! So for the 100th (no nth time) I decided to give another shot at staying HAPPYYYYYYYYY. Decided that the next time one good feeling comes by I will hold on to it and hold on TIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!
So the wait comes to an end. It was just as casual as a talk to a dear friend. Yes, as simple as that. I was happy. Happy for all the smiles that it brought to my soul. I held on to it. There was a smile pasted on my face( I felt like an idiot though). That was the first step. Just being happy from inside was not going to help I knew. I had to display it and make others feel it.From that I wanted to gather some more happiness. I was a woman on a mission.
What were me weapons? Well none to be exact and yet a lot to be ambiguous. Just dressing up did not satisfy me….looking good mattered. Yes. I wanted to look into the mirror and blow a kiss at myself. Do I sound insane? Well,I was loving the insanity.
The next step was to let people know that I was happy . A normal Goodmorning turned into an extended HI! I was getting stares I was not taking any notice. I started moving at a slower pace…that rush which had become a part of my very being was given some rest. Just rest not retired mind you! My friend playfully calls me “time bomb”. Yes coz there is an internal clock always ticking inside me she says. Which monitors every min,every sec. I have removed the battery of that clock for a while.
Who benefited? The people around me. They even noticed the shine on my face.My kids; who saw a changed ,very patient mom. (I was always loving ,so that adjective I will not add here). Hubby dear; who said I looked younger. Well it was not the years but the grumpiness that had shed off. And most of all I,me myself. I had started seeing the brighter side of things and seriously there never was a dark side.
Then,this happens…..the gloominess is hovering around me ready to take over. It is waiting for that exact moment when I will let my guards down and it will take control of the fort. No dear friends I am fighting….you hear that swish-swash. I will emerge victorious. This too will pass……..swish-swash….swish-swash aaah! swish-swash smile!!!! swish-swash smile!